World Cup Preview

Well it's that time of 4 years again, and for 1 month only all men become gruesomely boring fat slobs, and probably some women too!! I too am looking forward to seeing how we (England!!) get on this time.
What most baffled me, is that everyone raves after the draw at how easy our draw is, 'Oh we've only got Algeria, my granny could beat them by herself'. Typical then that one slip up from Herr Deutschland, in what is admittedly a tricky group, would leave us to dream of finally winning a penalty shootout, only to be agonisingly let down as Emile Heskey tries to head his penalty in whilst Peter Crouch takes his from the wrong end. Luckily though John Terry won't be a candidate, goodness knows what he might try to do with his!
Supposing we do all this well, and reach the last 8. Then the opposition is potentially Argentina or France, which should worry us as both seem to think it's acceptable to field an outfield goalkeeper. Perhaps Fabio could be well prepared for this scenario and consider some Marco Materazzi style abuse training or given Diego Maradona's management record an 'unfortunate' injury to Leo Messi will probably mean a member in the crowd will get a special day to remember.
Anyways, battering on to the semis, we're on a roll, and potential fixtures include Brazil, Holland or even Italy. Now I don't know about you but I'm starting to think this marvellously easy draw isn't quite as such. Granted to win the World Cup one needs to beat the world, and clearly in Steven Gerrard we've got just the right player to do that, but an easy draw would clearly have pitched us against the likes of Liechtenstein, Andorra and Nepal for instance!
Relating to Steven Gerrard I suggest the invention of a World Punchup Cup, the English team, captained by Joey Barton, would be guaranteed winners, which on second thoughts is probably why such a trophy doesn't exist, no hospital could cope with the demands of such an occasion!
Back to the point of such pitiful opposition, Brazil with the likes of Kaka, Robinho and Champions League winning goalkeeper Julio Cesar are clearly no match for Ledley King, Emile Heskey and god forbid to forget David James! One positive could be drawing Italy, where Marcelo Lippi has seemingly forgotten the sport involved here is football, with the 11 players he picks needing motorised scooters and polo mallets, whilst training camp conversation covers topics such as the invention of the television or the war.
But despite all this could little old blightly reach the big day?? Well in my view we have to, so Chelsea fans can learn what having Didier Drogba as an opposition is really all about, or even the even bigger arse Cristiano Ronaldo. What we all know, is Wayne Rooney's been secretly awaiting this moment for 4 years to really get stuck into Ronaldo's pants, read this how you will it'll say more about your mind than mine!
The second thing I find baffling, is how the pundits have counted out the likes of New Zealand, Honduras and North Korea. Never has there been such an ardent message to FIFA to reduce the number of participants. Take New Zealand who, with striker Rory Fallon of League 1 Plymouth Argyle, clearly have the golden boot sown up, hatrick a game. Saying that I think I'd become quite a rich man if I put a squiddly on that, and when you do just remember you heard (well read I suppose) it here first!
So who do I think are going to win this overhyped trophy I hear you ask? Well amongst many pundits only 2 real candidates come to the fore, Brazil, as discussed, and of course Spain. What more could one possibly want in ones squad than the likes of Xavi, Andres Iniesta, David Villa, Fernando Torres, Carles Puyol to name but a few. I suggest some balls, they always seem to languish when the going gets serious and yes they won the Euros, but we weren't in it so clearly they didn't face a real test! I feel their winning ways are more to do with the opposition getting lost in Vicente Del Bosque's moustache. Fabio, being the boss he is will clearly have spotted that, so no need to panic, provided of course Maradona isn't in goal in our expected penalty shootout. Personally I've plumped with Brazil all along, and I'm going to stick by it.
Well the intrigue only need last a few hours longer before the action gets underway. Unfortunately they have to force us to hold our horses for a little longer when we witness hords of dancing girls probably with pom-poms or streams of coloured paper running round some pathetic statue with no idea why they're doing it. Whilst I admit it can be entertaining, when one of them falls over or misses a well rehearsed penalty, sign Diana Ross up Fabio, just let the football start and the shootout misery begin..........